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| On role models |
| Sunday, June 22, 2008 |
So, I am terribly exhausted. Something at work is not getting done. I kept telling myself not to get frustrated but when the output of my work depends on someone else, I just cannot handle it. Which confirms that I will make a terrible manager :--(
May be I have told this a million times but who cares. From when I was younger, I always had a girl who was my role model. I had different role models for different aspects of life. Academics, err.. fashion, music, and so on and so forth.
And I used to shamelessly ape them. Only if I think they are worth the adulation. I wont openly tell them. But I will admire them from far off and try to behave like them.
In Std 3, it was this pretty 9th Std Akka, her name was Sindu, Mallu girl, studied in ChurchPark. Her kid sister also in Std 3 was my friend. I started listening to English music after I learnt that she listened to a lot of English songs. I got this one side bag, a black one, exactly like hers, instead of the then usual rectangluar bag that you put on both shoulders. I even went to the extent of going to school in Pallavan bus, leaving to school very early, just like her.
So in Std 6, in Bombay, there was this girl I really liked, she was not pretty and all, but very sensible. She was her class topper, in Std 7, while I was struggling to stand third in class, cursing Hindi, Social Studies and Sanskrit. I had never worn jeans before that. After seeing her, I pestered my Mom big time to get me a pair of jeans. I borrowed her school books, before we came back to Chennai. I always remembered her. She was my inspiration. Her books, the little notes scribbled on the sides, her doodles, always reminded me of this smart girl and how she always stood first in class. I kept telling myself, she read from these books, if she can come come first in class, I can too. And I did, for the first time ever, I stood first in class.
So anyway. Now I dont have any girl for a role model. I guess as I grew up I also started seeing people's negative sides. I admire some girls, and try to learn from them. Yes, I know one should maintain one's individuality and all that. But if by changing small things in our lives and character, bigger good can come, why not? When I am in a tough situation, I think of all my role models and wonder, what would they have done had they been in my shoes? I get tremendous strength. I kid you not.
Today I am feeling terribly down. The pressure is too much. I want to go home. I was browsing Orkut. Out of the blue, thought of this Bombay friend popped up. I tried to recall her first name. Searched, and viola! the first name to pop up was hers. Her location said Berkeley and somehow I knew it was her. :--) I go in and see she studied in IIT, and it totally confirmed its the same girl. The same strength seeped into me, as I just looked at her profile. My mind wandered. She was doing her PhD. So I wondered what would she be doing, like right now. What would she do if she were in my shoes. Too bad, she hasnt started working yet. Would she be a strong, serious, level headed girl, still admired by many around her? I have left a note in her scrapbook but her profile looks hugely deserted. I want to see her. I want to know more about her. I want my role model back.
And on a differnt note, have any of you lost a friend? How do you handle a relationship gone sour? No, no fights. Just bitterness, resentment, a bit of hatred. What if you have common friends? I sometimes feel that I am being a mean person. Thats not me, normally. I am generally super friendly, I think. But sometimes you just have to do it, if you want to keep your dignity. If a normally soft person, can take such drastic steps, one can imagine how much the other person should have imparted hurt. |
posted by SK @ 10:58 AM  |
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| 16 Comments: |
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I SOOOOOOOOOOO relate to this post.. gah.. seems like this is wat I say on every post of yours!
I used to have these role models till college too and then , thankfully, I have out grown that.. :).why Thankfully? bcos it (aping others)made me more vulnerable I think..especially when they fall short of my expectations..
rgding losing a friend- yes! 3 of them- 2 of which I dont regret- cos I finally saw their true colors and that wasnt pretty. the last one- I have patched up now. wrote abt it some time ago.. too lazy to link up now :)
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wrt the last paragraph, I don't need to explain how I was in that such a situation rt? :)
regd role models, it gets harder as an adult, as we each have our personalized baggages, but focusing on what can be achieved and deriving inspiration helps a great deal.
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I think the common friends will understand. Or rather should. It's really not a big deal unless you work on the same floor, in the same class or something like that. But I think not.
And you've lived in Bombay ah? Nice Nice. :)
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Who exactly is this girl? There is a good chance I might know her:).
In any case Sk you worry too much about friends. Friends paanam madri innike varum nalliku pohum.
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loved this!
I have some stuff to say on this but i'm kinda late for office. :D
will be back! :D
-chutney too lazy to sign in
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If the resentment u feel is not because of something in particular but u feel it anyway, then it's just a sign of u maturing up and knowin what u like and what u dont...and now u see that a lil more clearly...it's ok to lose people if u 'dont mind' it...but if it is a naggin proble, then maybe u gotta gt down to sortin it out...
Abt role models, i really havent had any in particualr...i look upto my Dad the most..And he's the only one i try and learn from...Othr than that nooone has really inspired me for anything...to be better or whatever...Nope...I'm just too busy countin my flaws to note the good stuff in others i guess! ;)
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I think a friendship lasts only when both are ready to put in efforts. If anyone thinks otherwise, it's hard for it to last. talking is also important. I know its not easy to always communicate but we need to decide whether friendship is more important or the situationit created. Don't resent. That's way of life. Its always good to get back to old friends whom you liked.
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Hope you feeling better now! :)
"Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on"...these lines from that sunscreen song...me like!:)
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You sound exhausted! Don't worry things will get done eventually - they always do!
As for the friends bit, if a friendship is taking much more from you than it is giving to you, it is time to let go. Sad, but a friendship should not feel like a burden you are forced to carry.
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Nice story! :) Cannot really relate to having role models..but your question on sour relationships and common friends -totally. I actually pity those friends who are caught in between and are sometimes forced to take sides?! In one particular situation a friend of mine told the "other" that what is between us is between us and he might be a common person but would not interfere in anything, life goes on with his friends and he regards both as his friends! Nice stand :)
Regarding your work - don't pressurize yourself, it will work out :)
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Never had a role model in my life. I haven't lost any friends either. But I've been that common friend so many times. Its easier to say "its between you guys" and be safe. But its hard to see two good friends drift apart just because of a silly reason. So I help to patch up as much as I can and it really is satisfying at the end :)
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SK, Hope you are feeling better. When are you back? As for relationships gone bitter. It is tough but I always tell myself "Even this will pass..."
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Hi SK....
Many Many Happy returns of
the day!!
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Daisy,
Yeah I guess its better be glad to lose a relationship that does not make you happy!
Kowthas,
hahha yes :--) Yes our characters are more clear cut which makes it difficult to follow role models.
Adithya,
hehe, yeah thankfully i dont have to see the person day in and day out.
Ok,
No its not your manni ;--)
And super thathuvam pa!
Chutney, ok ok!! :--)
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Preeti,
You are soo right!! It definitely feel better to have people stating it in black and white.
and reg Dad, yes he is my forever role model too! :--))
Joy,
Thank you for your words! makes total sense.
Wt, :--) right!
Archana, very true!! when it turns sour, it is better thrown out.
myheadtrip,
yes, of course i mean we dont go about picking people for our sides, we are too matured for that ;--D
Lonestar,
Hehe being the middle man can be tiring sometimes na, I have been there myself many times. I guess some things can be worked out, sometimes they cannot be.
Laksh, 2 more weeks!
lv, thanks!! :--) and I dont know who this is?!
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I SOOOOOOOOOOO relate to this post.. gah.. seems like this is wat I say on every post of yours!
I used to have these role models till college too and then , thankfully, I have out grown that.. :).why Thankfully? bcos it (aping others)made me more vulnerable I think..especially when they fall short of my expectations..
rgding losing a friend- yes! 3 of them- 2 of which I dont regret- cos I finally saw their true colors and that wasnt pretty. the last one- I have patched up now. wrote abt it some time ago.. too lazy to link up now :)