While most of my friends my age are busy with their second child or pregnant or trying to get pregnant with their second child, I find myself with some extra time in hands. BSK is a bit independent now, can keep herself occupied. I have gotten used to my job role, and am fairly comfortable with it.
So my mind is wandering. I feel like I am going through life with no goal. No fitness goal. Yes, I a, progressively lifting heavier weights and getting stronger, but my ankle is still bad, so I am not able to do much cardio. Even 3 consecutive days of elliptical leaves my ankles zzzinging the next day in the morning.
So let me jot down some things I want to accomplish in the next 6 months or so to get some traction on my life -
1) Fix my ankle! Visit a Chirpractor
2) Lose some pounds, what else is new!
3) Plan for my upcoming sabbatical - lot of logistics involved but the good news DH has gotten some vacation approved!!! I am dreaming already
4) Introspect on what I want to do long term. I am wandering all over the place but mind is not focussing on one thing hence there is no drive to move. I still have a year worth of stuff to learn in this role, but will have to start thinking about the next step.
5) Do some courses in Stanford/Berkeley? Get some certification? Exec MBA?
6) Get a doggie! Once I am back from sabbatical.
7) Train, train, train. Improve cardio fitness. I am strong but not sure about the heart. Need to come up with a feasible plan and follow it through.
8) Get a new car! The Accord has been with us for 8 years now and it doesnt make sense to have a gas guzzler V6, when I drive 45mi a day on average.
9) Need to think about BSK's school for Pre K. Most schools are too academic oriented I hear. Plus I dont want to burden her with peer pressure so early. I want her to be a well rounded personality and from experience, peer pressure puts undue stress on the child which I want to skip. I seriously wish I lived somewhere other than Bay Area so she could get a much diverse experience :--P Only for this reason.
While on this topic - my dreams for BSK are this -
- I hope to raise a strong, self confident, courageous young woman.
- I will not take decisions for her, I will let her make her own decisions, but hopefully I can guide her on how to evaluate to make them.
- Most importantly I want her to be happy. With whatever she does.
- I dont want to impose my dreams and ambitions on her. It is not fair. I want her to have her own dreams and I want her to work for them on her own accord.
I have no idea how to do this though. I have to expose her to everything out there, and form her own opinions. I am trying to remember how I was brought up, I think I turned out fine. I think George in Famous Five made an indelible mark on me. Let us see what future has in store!
I have sort of a mid life crisis I think. I feel a bit old. Especially looking at young BSK. I am tired of doing all the kiddi activities like birthday parties and zoos and blah blah blah. I long for some adult activities like hiking, dining, travelling etc. This longing has been there for a while now. Thats why I keep telling I am not a mommy material. I am too selfish and too inside my head.
I need something exciting to keep going, like ALL the time. And no cooking does not get me all excited. Nor does cleaning. Or setting up the house. I am by no means belittling these, I would love to have a nicely set up new home spic and span. But I just dont have it in me to do it.
Ironic, for a Cancerian?
Sometimes I wonder if I am refusing to grow up :--P Or I accept the present with a huge reluctance, as late a possible.
Ciao!
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One thing that i retained:
YOU WANT A DOGGIE!!!!!!!