| I read somewhere this Mother's Day that mom should write something for their kids, that they can read later. Coincidentally JSK's birthday is also around the corner. So here goes. Nothing fancy, ground breaking just my thoughts about being a mom and why I am doing some things a certain way.
Dear JSK, You are a bubbly cute almost 4 years old. You are stubborn like a bull, we are fearing your teen years already. I wouldn't call you a difficult child. We want to have it easier than usual. I am selfish yes. I want things my way. But that will help you too. To have a proper schedule, to be independent, to be treated like an adult, to be responsible, to be safe.
My way of bringing up is more western than Indian. Indian kids sleep in their parents bed and parents are not expected to have a life after a child. I am sorry that I want to have a life beyond you. Am I a bad mother for thinking so? I cannot imagine quitting work to stay at home to look after you. Unless of course you really needed me to be there by your side due to any sort of medical issues. By god grace you are fine and dandy, healthy, albeit tiny, little child. You have my immunity, thank god and touch wood, those veggies and fruits are paying off. Thank you for allowing me to work without guilt. I want to be a role model to you. You don't seem to think much of me right now, sometimes you hate me for disciplining you. You favor your dad because he is more playful. I know a lot of people think I am a bad mom ;--p because I don't have the patience to run behind you and feed you or have the will power to watch you running in the middle of the road.
I think you do love me. You say that on your own quite a few times. There are a few times when you kiss me on your own. I treasure those moments.
I am a control freak. I want you to be disciplined, have good habits, be respectful. I will not tolerate you sitting on me and treating me like I am your minion.
We still fight when you pull my hair, or hit me. You get super upset but are stubborn. Well I am your mom, I am stubborn too.
I know sometimes I don't have the patience to be the awesome mom some are. I am selfish. When we were in Nepal I knew you were in good hands with my dad. I want you to be like that, super adaptable anywhere, not depend on us so much. Yes we love you but you should learn to be around others too. And just how you managed! I am still amazed at your adaptability you take after your dad in that front.
You love all the girly things, you painted nail polish on every single person in the household not leaving thathas and mamas. I love you for that. Like girly things but don't only like girly things.
I don't know what you think about me, by the time you grow up to understand you may not see the same me, I may be physically weaker, with much less energy, I will definitely look ugly just like I do now, of not more, I may be fragile and weak and may be boring too. I won't get in the water in the beach because it is too much hassle drying the wet clothes.
I just want you to know, I was once with big dreams too. I was stubborn and feisty just like you. Your dad knows.
And we love you, all the way to the sky, though sometimes it may not look like it. I may not be a typical mom, not a great one,but definitely the greatest I can possibly be.
Love Amma |
