I guess this is why people take sabbaticals, and then come back with totally different view of things. This is why one has to travel, to see the other side, to see a different view of things.
I would like to jot down my thoughts as we settle into our usual humdrum of routine, classes, parks, events, weekend getaways and birthday parties. Edited to add: or rather this is what sabbatical does to you :--p
As I sat in this new park that we visited this weekend, watching JSK try to navigate the spider web like play structure, wondering at what point she will be courageous enough to go higher up, while also making a plan to try out different parks in the area instead of the same one over and over, just because we can, I couldn’t help remembering the kids in Nepal and the stuff they had to play with. The barely 4 year old carrying a small plank, big for his size, and playing with it, walking with it. Like his porter father? Training to start earning when turning 15? And I couldn’t help remembering the modest park we frequented in Chennai, with broken dust bins, and adults taking over the space instead of allowing the kids to run around. If you compare the people to park area ratio, clearly, Bay Area has a lot more parks than my little neighborhood in Chennai does.
Someone shared this article on my FB feed. It felt like a slap in my face. :--P If you are one of the few regular reader of my blog you know about my quest for happiness, wondering why the hell am I not happy (like DH, who is a very simple soul, with very simple needs) I have made several attempts in the so called pursuit of happiness. I wrote about 5 happy things every day, then I did the 100 days of happiness project. When I realized it made me look for things to be happy about I am doing a #happinessproject on Instagram where I capture one happy moment a day, if not more. It has made me look at the positive side of things and look for something to be happy about every day. Sometimes it is some random shopping I did, most times it is JSK. And in fact I prodded my parents to follow suit, just be happy, do whatever makes you happy and you are the most important person in this world. Etcetera etcetera. While I was happy at the surface, not sure if the deep inner self was, whose voice I buried under, covering it with "I am happy because I got this new thing on the internet!" It is a GREAT relief to know it is OK to be NOT happy, like 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! So now I have decided to start a #meaningfulnessproject :--P As the post says, happiness is all about 'taking' or 'buying' while meaningfulness is about 'giving'. Food for thought.
As I have mentioned before, US feels very materialistic, or capitalistic. Only when you step outside (not to India because India is definitely following suit) you see how things look. I see segregation in terms of income seeping in not only India but also US, especially Bay Area. Rich kids get into better schools, poor kids get into schools their dads can afford. While this is not so new in India, which is a developing country, it is appalling to note the same in US, Bay Area too. School districts and zoning as they call it. Same might be applicable for university education as well. Same goes for work related segregation. Why is a janitor paid less than a security guard who is paid less than an engineer. And god forbid engineering has its own segregation, computers being the mother of all and civil being the leftover discipline? Why is any job looked down upon for that matter. I am guilty of having done the same, just voicing my thoughts here. If every job paid the same and every job had the same so called market, all the kids would do what they wanted to do and not be forced into engineering or medicine.
Last but not the least, a lot of the people are clueless about the rest of the world, again myself included. We think we are the world. But oh we so are not. There is a world beyond, startups and innovation, and moving the oh humanity forward with technology. All the weekend activities, and theme parks and festivals and 'antique faires' feel very superficial to me, as of now. I know this is a remnant of my sabbatical. I don’t want to forget these thoughts, for these are what I bring back from my sabbatical, a new outlook, a renewed way of looking at things. I may forget about them soonly until it is time for my next sabbatical, but I would like to document them none the same, so some day when all stars align I might take some action against them. Seriously, this is the life I wanted, when I was outside, I wanted this, and thought I would be the 'happiest' if I could get there. Now I am there. And turns out I am not so happy after all. Or rather happy is not what I want after all.
I dont like crowded places. So I dont go to concerts and plays and music events. I dont go to Holi, or big Diwali, Dandia events. I dont mind the Zoo. But still kiddie activity parks drains me too. When I dont do such activities for a while I conjure up a 'oh it is super fun, EVERYBODY goes for it' mindset towards it, only to regret later. Give me a less crowded isolated quiet place to hike or picnic anyday.
As this movie Enakkul Oruvan points out, I am probably living someone's dream life. I am yet to figure out my (renewed) dream life. I am grateful for what has been given to me. I will start my pursuit of meaningfulness in my life.
PS: I pray hope I havent spoken too soon. I dont want some random bomb (figuratively, I dont mind a real one :--P) to be dropped on me.
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Since you took the topic of pursuit of happiness, I can't resist posting this link on here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlB5-uhIiOo . Hope you find it interesting !