Came across an a-hole( pardon my language) in a birthday party today. My blood is still boiling at the thought. May be I am blessed to be around folks that respect me, atleast pretend to to my face.
This guy comes in and he shakes hands with the guy on my left, and as if I am not existent goes on to shake hands with DH to my right. Now I understand some Indian men are very conscious about shaking hands with women. I am not. In a professional setting I voluntarily shake hands, don't flinch. But since this was not I don't mind no hand shake but what the heck happened to just acknowledging I am sitting there?
He went on to say something about how the place I work for doesn't pay a good salary. May be for the quality of work that you do! Now what does he know about what I do or how I do or does he know how much I earn to make that comment? This came up when we were talking about vacations. I said work life balance is essential and he says you have work life balance while your husband earns for you or something like that. I could have slapped him then and there.
For the record if I were looking for my husband to earn for me I would have married someone more educated and who is well settled as they used to call 'green card maapillai'. My dad would have definitely looked for a phd maapillai. Though hard to find in Christian communities they are not non existent. I live in the US to stay as far away from exactly the likes of him. Chavinistic morons.
I don't work for money. I know it is laughable ( and I did get some laughs) but unlike some or many, I prefer a satisfying job that makes an impact than a fat paycheck in a company that does meaningless stuff and hence is not fulfilling to me. I truly believe that money follows automatically when you give your best to your work. And that is a double bonanza! I have rejected better paying jobs for jobs I like. I know we make enough money to lead a decent life. I have never been a hoarder. Yes I have my share of likes and wants, I am sure somebody will bring in the Tesla, but I have never even imagined to live freely off of someone else's paycheck. I like to work for the kind of life I lead, and live within my means. One lady said something like ' we like to live off our husbands paychecks' I didn't know of a way to respond without coming across as anal or raising a few eyebrows, so I kept quiet. But it still bugs me like anything.
I guess I have severe ego issues, I am fine with that. DH understands and has never been in my way. And that's precisely why I married him.
What makes these men automatically assume I got married and came to the US? Is it written on my face? Because I am dark and fat? I would like to stay far away from these kind of men. I have managed to stay away in so many years. We get along with families were both parents are equally invested in home chores and career. Mostly same age spouses who married in lovveee. We gel better understand the dynamics and the troubles.
My blood boils. And naturally I took it all out on DH who was pretty happy with the kind of attention he got. I really wanted to talk back and be blunt at the party but I didn't want to come across as sensitive or stupid. I still feel bad I didn't give him a piece of my mind.
For the three hours there I felt I was back in India, like a non existent wife, second citizen. I still cannot get it out of my head. He single handedly spoiled my Sunday.
Lastly I wish this didn't affect me as much as it did. I usually 'thanni thelichu vittufy' suck folks and don't even bother about them. But I guess it has been a long time since I was treated this way hence forgot my practiced responses. Even my in laws treat me with respect.
Dotter on the other hand had a blast. It was her friends birthday and only two of the kids from school has been invited. (Thankfully I don't have to meet these people ever again!) The kind of treatment I have to live with for dotter! She owes me a lot ;--P
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Radha
Phd maappilias dont necessarily make a lot of money, unless they move into finance.. I should know, my husband is one.. Phd :)
Hedge fund managers and MBA types certainly..