Ramblings Only

Awesome post! very well written!
Seriously- I was so put off when I read that article too. Popped a stitch and had to go and work? cook? seriously?

you are spot on. It all comes to the individual's choice. Same with the hoopla about women actresses making less than men. If the Audience wants to watch a particular actress' movie they will go pay and watch it. If people want to go watch Tom Cruise they will do that. So your pay gets driven by the audience you can pull.

This whole equality business is all bull shit turning marriages into contract.

Coming back to the article in question, she had a choice all along. so pure BS article.

About choices, I always wanted to take time off/work from homw after I had my baby, since I couldnt see myself leaving a six week old at daycare or with a nanny. To clarify, unlike most Asian parents, we did not have any help when we had our baby. My inlaws in their 70s and my mom no more, we didnt have family who could fly out to US every six months to baby sit.

I did take a year off and was not sure if I made the right choice. Actually, ideally I would have liked to work from home for a few months after the maternity leave ran out. When I tried to negotiate it with HR, she used these exact words that "Women these days want it all." This inspite of a few people working from home for manay many years. There was some kind of preferential treatment going on. So finally I quit.

A year later my boss called me and asked if I was willing to come back and I was ready. I took baby steps. Worked part time for 6 months and then made it into 4 working days.

But that job was not something that I enjoyed but took it up only because it was easier to find a job when I had a job. What was irritating was I was being passed out for the choices I made. When I was applying for jobs, if I told the truth to hiring managers/recruiters about why there was gap in employment, I could see that how they viewed me as a potential candidate completely changed. That sucks big time.

We could talk all we want about choices but realistically what would make it easier for families would be better maternity/family leave policies like European countries. It would be great to have a study to find out how many women would go back to work in 6 weeks if they didnt have family support.

You are saying all these because you had people to help out when you had a baby. It's not so easy when there is no one to help out. I know people who have lost their job in the last month and had to sit and apply when their baby was weeks old and when they had to pay mortgage. Applying for a job itself is a full time job. Imagine when that has to be done when you have to take care of the baby alone and your scars haven't healed. Your solution would be hire a doula. Now that would be $1000. Another $1500 for mortgage and then other expenses. All on hubby's shoulders.
Imagine single moms, what will they do without fully paid maternity leave at least for 3 months, that too when they had c-section.

It is easy to drive a Tesla and say suck it up,woman, right? At least let them rant in terms of maternity leave.

Here is a more balance article on the same issue: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/

The article seems a little too complaining. I agree it must be hard on her without having any family to help out and managing by herself but hiding to the employer that she had a baby? How much longer does she plan to be able to do that ? Esp when the husband doesn't seem to have time to clear out the trash or help with the laundry? And coming to the author of this post, Isn't the blog itself named "ramblings only"? And you question the ranting in the article? Hilarious! Everyone needs to rant and have an outlet, but I agree with you that some action has to be taken after the ranting is done. But you questioning the ranting? Stop it now.

I am appalled at some of the comments from other readers. I am with you on this SK 100%. "new mom on the block is jealous that some people have support raising babies. She even goes on to stereotype the entire Asian race. Shame on her! if you do not have family support go for infant care centers. Dont envy people who do it.

These comments are appalling because they make it out to be a "women" issue. It is really an issue about people wanting hand-outs from other tax payers or from their employers. No need to take responsibility for themselves or their children. It is like shouting at your neighbours to pitch in money just because you got pregnant. Shame on these people.

If you like the European way, move over to Europe. You have a choice there as well. But no these shameful people just wnat handouts. Go set up a "fund me" page and just shut up.

And for that uneducated person passing judgement on "ranting" just shut up. This is the Author's space so she can do what she likes. If you have a problem go rant in your own blog. But no, these are people who have choice but always are looking for hand-outs and envy other people's success.

i am with SK 100%.

Also let me ask these shameful readers who are looking for hand-outs to raise their family:

if you have a contractor replacing a roof of your house and they want 1 year worth of paid leave because they are pregnant, would you really pay them and wait for them to return? Continue to live in a house without a roof and pay these pregnant contractor for a full year. I thought so......so shut up you shameful beggars. Stop looking at your children like somebody else's responsibility. Children are precious and god's gift. Enjoy your time with them. doesn't matter if you decide to stay at home or work. Just be a responsible parent instead of looking at your employers and society to help you.

Maternity leave is available only to people who have worked in a company for more than a year. And according to the law, firms/start ups with <50 employees needn't provide that. So the comparison with hiring a contractor to build your house is bull shit. Imagine yourself being a single mom with no parents to help out, how will you provide for day care costs when you salary is just 1000k more than the day care expenses?It is easy to say that won't happen with me. But there are single moms doing per hour jobs in Walmart. Be a little empathetic.

@ Anonymous Ha ha so when it comes to paying from your pocket to a pregnant contractor you want to hide behind the law. what happened to your convictions that all pregnant women should get hand-outs?

And the "single Mom" argument is bullshit. The baby daddy is responsible for child support.And if you chose to bring in a baby to this world, how do employers or strangers become responsible? Looks like you planned on getting hand outs from the state and are just using the baby as an excuse.

I have all the sympathy for the baby (that is why i support the state setting aside money for babies who become their ward) but no empathy for these so called "single Moms" who use their babies as an excuse.

There is a reason why women drop out of workforce/pass up opportunities after babies. You only have to refer to all the statistics that show we have a long way to go towards equality. Otherwise, we would not have people like Sheryl Sandberg talk about Lean In.

I don’t need government bail out or government’s free money. I would have been happy without unpaid leave. But what about the bias when a mom or dad who is coming back to work after taking a break for caring for a baby, facing a bias for his/her CHOICE. She or he is trying to lean in , but what is the mentality in the workplace? I can guarantee they are thinking in CAPS, oh what if they have another one and decide to quit? Probably a lot of men/women would take an extended break after a baby/adoption, provided they are not judged for their CHOICE.

That is why I brought up European family leave policy. In recent times companies like Netflix have taken into account how having a generous leave policy can lead into better employee retention, morale and have almost European standard family leave policies. And I am pretty sure more companies will follow suit. If you call it bail out, so be it. Atleast those of us who want to exercise that choice, will do so and not have to rant.

If we don’t speak out about the biases we faced, how are things going to change? The author of this article writes things are different for women from how they were 100 years ago. That did not happen automatically. It happened only because women ranted/spok,out/got courage to take some action.

Majority of America doesn’t have family support when a family has a baby. When one talks about the choices they made, they should also talk out the factors that enabled them to make that choice. All of us do make choices, but at times it does not feel like a choice, rather it feels like we have been forced to make a choice. Atleast let them rant.

"Mom on the block" and others - your argument is now changing and starting to weaken. if you cite European policies then it is all mandated by the government. There is no freewill to the employers. If you say you are happy with just unpaid leave, you can still do it with the discretion of manager. Or work it out with your husband / baby daddy so he takes care of the baby while you go chase your career dreams. But if you expect to be on leave for 6 months and still be promoted, then it is a false sense of entitlement. How is it fair to other people who put in actual six months of work but yet see you come in from 6 months leave and get promoted.

America is founded on freedom and meritocracy. Everybody has freedom to make choice but are also held responsible for their consequences. If you get judged by people take it to them rather than punishing other tax payers and employers. Talking about judging you were the one judging the entire Asian race saying all parents raising children get help from family. It is insulting to hardworking parents who strive to raise their baby without asking their neighbours to pitch in with money. And why the jealousy?

There should never be a "quota" system or "special privileges" legislated here. If companies offer you 1 year of paid leave oout of Freewill then sure go work for the company. I am sure you will find another cause for more hand-outs at that place as well.

So take some time and clearly state what you argument is and explain why just being pregnant automatically merits special privileges? it is a matter o personal choice and not of federal legislation.

@ Anonymous in the "ruthless" mode: I am glad the world is not filled with people like you. Well, employers and insurance companies don't "hand out" short term disability leaves and long term disability leaves just like that. There is a cost evaluation for every single thing "handed out". Keeping more women in the workforce is the benefit here, and the maternity leave is a cost either to the employer or the government. I am sure you don't care because anything that has to do with logic seems to be flying way above your tiny head. However, you speak of all women who had babies and took maternity leave as ones who were using the employer without contributing any iota of effort. Companies don't keep employing people if they are not worth it. And you for sure don't seem to see the worth in anyone but yourself.

And your example of the contractor is BS. "Contractor" is hired to do the job within a stipulated time line. They are not full time employees. There is a predetermined time line that has to be adhered to and agreed by both parties. So your example itself falls apart.

This comment has been removed by the author.

By break, i meant quitting because of inadequate leave and trying to get back to work after a year or couple of years. All i did was try to find a job similar to the one I held before baby, employers were not willing to consider me when I told them that i decided to take a break/quit because I wanted to care for my baby.

That attitude in workplace doesnt let women lean in.

I am sure you dont consider this is as a bias.

"Mom on the block" you say contradictory things and are getting personal with insults. People tend to go for insults when they start losing an argument. I dont care how you perceive me because like I said I dont control that and dont worry about that.

I still go back to my example of the "building contractor". If you hired one female contractor and she gets pregnant mid way - what would you do? Looks like you would enforce the contract and have her complete your roof because she signed the contract. Correct?

And just because you are full time employee does not mean you have right to cash without having to work. Sure there is no contract but you get paid for the work you do. Not to care for your baby.

Please get clarity to your thinking and the cause you are supporting. Pseudo feminism is not really helping women's cause.