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| E for enlightenment :--P |
| Monday, April 06, 2015 |
Today I was a little down, for some reasons. The paranoid, hypochondriac in me went into a tangent about how my health is deteriorating so fast and how I am growing old and how my energy levels are going down. Some days this happens. I blame it on not hitting the gym for the past 4 days owing to Easter church masses and shopping packing and friends visiting. I can easily fall into the 'sky is falling, I am dying, life is over' mode. Friends visited from Folsom yesterday and A asked me "why do you look so tired" Does it really show on my face? When have I looked energetic and fresh? Almost never :--P It is just my face. But it is also stress I think. Non stop thinking about all the things that need to get done. Psst actually it is not so bad. Nothing is going to break if I forget a few things. I am not going to Africa, I am only going to India, I can get everything I need there (except for some critical personal things like lenses, lens solution, glasses, shoes, etc but.. you get the point)
As I was driving to pick up BSK, a sort of enlightenment struck me, without any external factor affecting it. The fact that I have had a good life, I am blessed with so many things. So what if my ankles are weak, so what if I have early arthritis (self diagnosis :--P), so what if all the cartilage surrounding the joint is gone and my bones are rubbing against each other (also self diagnosis :--P) like my Grand mother, so what if I am low on iron and high altitude might cause unforseen complications, so what if I might DIE (yep that doesnt fail to surface), I would atleast die doing something I love. One life. Live it to the fullest. Dont live it in fear of what might happen. Dont live it wallowing in self pity about how so many things are wrong with me. Instead make the most of what you have. My body may not race with my mind, but I am thankful I have a racing mind. A mind that can dream.
A said I am the starter and DH is more the executor. The pessimist in me decoded it as "I cannot finish what I start" :--P BUT the world needs both starters and executors. SO I am perfectly happy being a starter. Can a car (old school ICE I mean :--P) start without the spark plug? What is the use of having a super horse power engine with no spark plug to set the wheels in motion? Moot.
Everything and everybody has a place in the world. We have to make the most of our time in this world. I used to never be tooo attached to this world, and the worldly things. I am not afraid of death. I can die today, without regrets, my daughter will miss me, DH will miss me, but I am not irreplaceable. Life will go on. Earth will go around the sun, Days will become months, months will become years, man may become extinct, some other form of life may take over, we may be born as something again, I am blabbering now. BUT while those things are not under our control, the little time we have here is under our control, we can choose to spend our time wisely, being useful to people, doing what we want to do in this life. Live once, instead of dying multiple times.
Will end my enlightenment here before I initiate confusion :--P
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posted by SK @ 8:39 PM  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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Went for a check-up today because i am sick of the self diagnosed arthritis too... so now he prescribed Radios... will see what those give. Will keep you posted, maybe you will want to check with a doc too?
Cant wait to hear and see sabbatical!
Hope you are doing great.
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hey I can't wait to hear your sabbatical stories.Although I did take a sabbatical last year to do some fun stuff,never got to do anything because of the miscarriage and so I just stayed at home.I am so glad everything is working out for you and I can't tell you how right I feel this is.This is the age to explore,to be adventurous and do everything fun.I will pray for you and I am sure everything will turn out to be awesome.This is soooooooo exciting.
BTW,Sk and I share the same equation as you and your DH.I am a starter too and SK is the executor :)
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Manou! Haha take care, eat healthy we wil be fine! MK our lives are too similar ;---)
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Went for a check-up today because i am sick of the self diagnosed arthritis too... so now he prescribed Radios... will see what those give. Will keep you posted, maybe you will want to check with a doc too?
Cant wait to hear and see sabbatical!
Hope you are doing great.