Ramblings Only

It was tough for me and DH to get comfortable with the fact that JSK is shy and fearful. It is not difficult to see how she is not like most kids. Oh the struggle to get her to do the simplest of things like saying Hello to people. She never got comfortable around some of our pre baby friends. Kids younger than her would try to befriend her and play with her. She needs to be comfortable with someone before she would open her mouth and herself. The person needs to come down to her level and talk to her before that happens. She will talk to someone at a one on one type setting but when there are even four people around she would shut down. It dawned on me that I was also probably also like that when younger. Now that I am a grown up I have learned to manage these traits. Yesterday we were on our way to a birthday party and I was in no mood to socialize. There were those few brief moments when I felt anxious about going in and spending 2 hours putting on fake smiles until my mouth ached and exchanging same old banalities like weather and holiday plans. I am not always like this, only some days. So can I blame my kid for simply being like me? I turned out okay so I know she will be okay too. 

She is also not the bravest kid out there. To make her do anything the first time requires a mountain of effort from us and a ton of coaxing and reassurance. We know we have to waste a few classes just to get her comfortable with the teacher and her surroundings. She needs a lot of encouragement and preparation. And I know that for some kids it is easy. I am not comparing just observing. She would like the thrill of doing something exciting but the fear needs to be overcome first. When we went on the hummer tour we had to prepare her from the day before and let her know exactly what to expect before it actually happened. DH would tell you about my irrelevant fears. I was afraid of roadtrips, snow, lonely hiking trails. I would pick the one thing that has a 0.1% probability of happening and wonder if I will be that highly unlikely probability. And my daughter is like me. I turned out ok, so I guess my daughter will be ok too. 

She has a short attention span and wouldn't want to finish something big and boring like even a big space that needs to be colored in one color. She is always looking for something new to do, before she finishes one page of art she would want to move to another one. On the other hand we cannot close a book without finishing reading it. Oh the sky will fall if that happened. I am not sure how I can introduce her to bigger books which are really not meant to be read in one sitting.

I have wondered if she is hyperactive because she is fidgety and cannot sit in one place. She will be playing with her hair or something on the table when asked to read or write or eat. Her teacher has to take away her hairband which she plays with in class. She also plays with her hair which when I told her not to she caught me playing with my hair and told me not to do it ;--P

She is destructive, loves making messes but then there is not one tidy bone in any of us. 

She is not going to go on stage and give a stellar performance, she is shy to even perform in front of us if we make a big deal about it. In her winter program I will not say I didn't feel bad when she was the last kid on one side, with obviously the louder enacting kids in the front. I was glad she sang and participated. She is so conscious of her surroundings.

She has a lot of good qualities. Her stubbornness and determination will help her get what she wants in life when she is older. She grasps things like a 'karpuram'as they call it. She will make a good lawyer, with great reasoning sometimes making me double back. She is very loving. She really makes me happy and at peace. Once she is comfortable one can see the true girl inside, and she is a fun one. And not all kids are the same. We have to nurture her in a way that will help her find her own talent and interest so she can be happy doing whatever she wants to do with her life. 

Today morning when I woke up I suddenly realized that she will be 10 in only 5 more years. I can imagine her teens having gotten a sample of her terrible twos and what not. I don't know if she will want to hug me still. I want her in our bed in the mornings to cuddle. I don't know if she will want to dress like 'Twins' still. Really which teenager wants to dress like her mom?