| Busy weekend and I have some work to do tonight before Monday starts so will make it quick.
I have a stubborn daughter who I wish would listen to me once in a while. Most times it is an uphill battle. Today we were at a birthday party and the girls were playing fairy tale princess something. I usually let her be she is happy jumping around with the girls. I noticed one kid telling she is the step mother and that dotter had to listen to everything she says. I didn't bother probing into it and enjoyed my chaat. It was only when we were coming back that DH said that he heard the girl telling dotter that she doesn't get a turn to be the queen or step mother because she has dark skin, and only white skin girls can be so. I was so totally appalled. And my heart sank. The girls are young, I have nothing against the little girl who said that she is innocent. Dotter also didn't really mind it looks like, in fact another friend spoke on her behalf and said everyone gets a turn it seems. How do I teach my daughter to stand up for herself? Just the torture she will have to go through and the learning she has to do, hurts me and scares me. How can I teach her to look beyond skin and stand up for herself and not let anyone talk to her like that without coming across as bossy or self centered? She is different with us, quite the opposite, but is different outside a little submissive. Apple doesn't fall far from the tree, both DH and I are pretty submissive kind, not flamboyant or touting our own horns. How to teach kids to be respectful of others but at the same time not be a doormat? I struggled in my 20s but learnt eventually. Btw all Indian kids these were.
This reminds me of this incident in UK in York. We were walking on crowded streets with the blog friends we met. A teenager's hat flew and fell on the ground. My friend picked it up and gave it to him. He said something to which my friend apologized. I didn't understand why she was apologizing and when asked, it seems he said 'I don't want you touching my hat'. Friend said the educated British know Indians are smart and don't treat them this way it is the uneducated folks that have a false sense of superiority. I agree. My blood boiled and in a way I decided I may not move to UK if ever I planned to move to Europe. I cannot take it. Otherwise I found everyone very nice which makes me wonder if just being a tourist makes a difference as opposed to actually living there? Like they want to portray their best side to tourists?
Why can't people not respect people for what they make of themselves rather than judge them based on something they have no control on like the color of their skin or the country they are born in? I studied in KV which really taught me about all the different cultures of India which taught me never to judge others based on color of the skin. I have not had friends or people who discriminate me based on my skin color. It could be that I try extra hard to be smart to offset my skin color. But do I have to? Why should anybody have to? Why cannot people accept people for who they actually are deep inside rather than based on the skin ?
I feel for my daughter and what she has to go through.
We were at our new church today, I was only trying it out. We sat near the choir which had two old men on the guitar playing and singing. The acoustics of the church is awesome and after mass one of the men came to me introduced himself and said ' I hear a beautiful soprano voice and looks like you can read music too, would you like to join the choir?' I was floored and said yes. That was my high point of the day. They didn't see I was Indian or dark skinned or fat or that I had a rambunctious noisy dotter. I did feel a little out of place being one of the two Indian families in the church but I did feel welcome!
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This is a very sad post. I am dark skinned too and it hurts to think of all the insults from the past, especially the arranged marriage phase (ugh!!!several blood boiling situations.Glad that it did not work out!!!) but thanks to my parents, especially my father, who always over praised me, which I came to believe and when people commented in the negative (a lot came my way because my sister is very fair and good looking!),I only thought they must be blind to not perceive my "beauty"..LOL!!!!
So, I believe lot of our confidence comes from the love and reassurance (not in a sympathetic way) from parents. There are times when I feel insecure and indecisive and that is also because of the doubts that my father planted in me. Of course,it is said kids imitate their parents,so have no doubts,JSK is going to be a rockstar because you are undoubtedly one!!!!!
And about the world of kids,it is a jungle out there.Phew!!!!It helps to pay attention to what our kids do.