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| Trying for some closure |
| Wednesday, January 02, 2013 |
I might regret writing this here but it is what it is.
I am sort of mildly depressed. Apparently it is common for people to be depressed around Jan. Did you know suicide rates are all time high in Jan? Once the joy of festivities wear off and when reality hits hard and as one takes account of the year that was and the year the needs to be tackled, some might get depressed. It did not help that we heard two shocking news within a span of a few days, the CT elementary school shooting and the Delhi case at the end of last year. I would be cheating myself if I said I was not affected by it. I was deeply, I tried to ignore it, come to peace with it and by god even forget it in the smiles and innocent words of my little daughter. I tried to focus on the positive good things in life as they call it. But I was only deceiving myself. I drowned myself in the mundaneness of FB. I tried to ignore the news of the Delhi girl because I felt like throwing up every time I thought about her. Well not just about her but the men, the men of the country which I call home, one of whom I married, one of whom is my father, one of whom is my brother, many of whom I know as my good friends. That poor girl could have been me. I went out with DH for treats. Not late at night, but still. When I was 16 I used to travel in the bus alone, very early in the mornings when the bus was empty, alone. It could have happened to me. It could have happened to any of the girls I know.
What hit me hard was the hatred the men had towards that girl. Who thought and behaved like any of us middle class educated girls. How dare she be out late at night with a guy, alone? What happens if you are out late at night with a guy alone, in India? You not only get raped but also injured in an unimaginably gruesome way. Because she tried to protect herself and be bold as she was taught, as all of us were taught. And that is horribly scary.
All this uproar, I wonder if it can change things overnight. I dont think so. I am not being hopeless but I am trying to be practical. Harsher punishment for rape is not addressing the root of the issue. It might help mitigate the situation, but it will not resolve the problem at its roots. The root is, the way women are looked at, treated in India. Because a woman's chastity is somehow more precious than a man's. Men are somehow superior to women just because they are men and for no other reason. This was a hate crime not an act of lust or whatever. This was a hate crime against women folks like us.
I do feel rather selfish and small to mull over my silly problems. Whenever I think of my silly problems and try to console myself saying only good things will happen, or God will help me get over it, I think of the poor girl and wonder why God did not help her. Was she chosen to be the victim? Was it for good? Like we say everything happens for good? Or as some would say, you reap karmas of your previous life in this life, did she deserve it? These are just purely painful thoughts. Sometimes I guess ignorance is bliss, or atheism is bliss?
I can only imagine, sorry I dont think I can even begin to imagine the sadness that must be gripping their parents. I dont know if one can be optimistic or hopeful, really. When I often wonder, why me? why did god chose me to be like this, did God want me to be like this? As they say you cannot change some things, some things are just meant to happen, how can I really come to peace with the fact that it was meant to happen, or God meant for this to happen?
Whenever I feel down I turn to God, and this God also seems to have forsaken me. I wrote a post on how whenever something bad happens something better was always waiting. I wonder what better life is waiting for the poor girl. May be life away from such perpetrators is better.
I guess some have to sacrifice themselves so others may benefit, martyrs. One can call her a martyr. May be years from now, our daughters and grand daughters can fearlessly be out late in the night. When such a day comes, I hope we remember her, this brave soul, who had dreams just like any of us, and they were crushed like peanuts under shoes, mercilessly.
I came here to crib and vent. But I dont think I can find closure so soon.
Signing off with a very heavy heart. |
posted by SK @ 9:09 PM  |
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| 9 Comments: |
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SK, you are not alone. I am sure almost all desi women are feeling just like you. Why do I say desi women? Because we grew up in that very same environment and circumstances and were just lucky enough to not lose our lives. And we hoped (at least secretly, subconsciously) things will change with time and as people get exposed to the modern times..
While we are in touch with people back in India, we don't live through the same problems anymore.. So we have this optimistic future in our dreams and such incidents just blow them off.
Now that we got a hurting reminder about how things actually are, we feel helpless with the rage inside us. Sitting here, we can only sign petitions and discuss. At least I don't know what else I can do from here.
This incident gave me grave reminders of my school and college days, how worse things were in 2009 (just a span of 3 years since I left India). I have since given up doing an india trip, it is nauseating. And all new ideas that I can think of, ultimately boil down to law and police working at least a bit morally and correctly and other long term changes.. What are we supposed to do until then? I don't know. What happened to my plans of relocating to our own place when we have kids? I don't know.
At this point, I want only 2 things. One, recruit tons and tons of police and let them patrol all cities and suburbs through out the nights.. Whther they are good police or bad police, just seeing police will deter many criminals.
Second, the only law I really want to have is, "men out on the roads after 6 pm until 6 am should be accompanied by an immediate female family member". Else, they can be immediately taken into custody, will be under surveillance for a long time etc. Night shift employees can be taken care of by the company. (in fact, if companies can be sued for millions for their negligence, am sure they will automatically stop night shifts altogether..)
I don't care a damn if men start crying how this is atrocious on them, how women can misuse them etc. If a man is that scared of women misusing it on him, then he better completely avoid female interaction other than his family member. No one is inviting anyone to interact with any stranger.
But neither of these will happen in the immediate future. Everything right is a process, everything correct should be approached democratically, legally, humanely, blah blah. All illegal and wrong doings can happen lightning speed. That's India for us. I mean, there have been so many rape reports right after the Delhi incident. We (the govt.) just don't care. It's as simple as that.
If anyone says, "you don't live in India, you are an NRI, so don't talk about change sitting there" - I will slipper them. I have lived 21 years in that very garbage, with leering eyes day in day out, in spite of wearing a damn salwar with a dupatta what not.
I have every right to be angry. You have every right to be pissed off. Just talk to someone whenever you feel enraged, it's not wrong or bad to feel so. I am still wondering what I /we can do from here.
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that's msot ;ikely the most verbose comment I typed ever. Speaks colume of my anger. Feel better Sk! Hugs.
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SK: I sort of try not to write about it anymore too, it is too dark a place to be in.
I am trying to do the same. There is 4th post that is lurking in me and I dont want to do it.
And the audacity of those really good for nothing men in that bus to think they can question the girl not known to them... there is a huge role the society plays in all this, that society will remain untouched by all the blogs.
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I agree with the feelungs expressed in this post but also feel let down by negativity towards india in general. While I am enraged at the delhi incident like you all are but it seems like you dont rush to the same judgement about a country regarding the connecticut incident. So you all are quick to attribute the delhi incident towards how India is as a country so let me ask you what do you attribute the reasins behind the cinnecticut incident?
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I agree with the feelungs expressed in this post but also feel let down by negativity towards india in general. While I am enraged at the delhi incident like you all are but it seems like you dont rush to the same judgement about a country regarding the connecticut incident. So you all are quick to attribute the delhi incident towards how India is as a country so let me ask you what do you attribute the reasins behind the cinnecticut incident?
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I agree with the feelungs expressed in this post but also feel let down by negativity towards india in general. While I am enraged at the delhi incident like you all are but it seems like you dont rush to the same judgement about a country regarding the connecticut incident. So you all are quick to attribute the delhi incident towards how India is as a country so let me ask you what do you attribute the reasins behind the cinnecticut incident?
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Porkodi,
I can understand the frustration from your long comment! Your ideas are good, esp the second one. Really, why hide away the normal girls when the good for nothing predators are roaming around, it should be the other way, predators locked up!
We are pissed off because we can relate to it at a very very personal level.
I am trying to see what can be done from here, some ngo chapters might do something, will let you know.
Sachita,
I agree. It is the hopelessness of it that bugs me.
Anon,
I dont know the delhi incident affected me at a much deeper level than the ct shooting. The post was not about how india is useless, it was about how it affected me.
CT incident, is because of mentally ill screwed up person. Delhi incident is because of social outlook and social upbringing of men. Even in US there are rapes, by psycos, I dont deny it, but it is not because 'the girl was out at 9 in the night with a guy'
In US, psychos are there, messed up, I havent come across, interacted touch wood, these people to know what exactly goes on in their heads. May be that is why I am not able to judge/write anything?
I could relate to the delhi incident more hence it has affected me more.
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Things have changed in TN! Did you see the new set of laws?
-Ok
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Yes OK, but I also saw some new laws in pondicherry separate buses for girls and boys! Really? I dont know what these people are thinking.
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SK, you are not alone. I am sure almost all desi women are feeling just like you. Why do I say desi women? Because we grew up in that very same environment and circumstances and were just lucky enough to not lose our lives. And we hoped (at least secretly, subconsciously) things will change with time and as people get exposed to the modern times..
While we are in touch with people back in India, we don't live through the same problems anymore.. So we have this optimistic future in our dreams and such incidents just blow them off.
Now that we got a hurting reminder about how things actually are, we feel helpless with the rage inside us. Sitting here, we can only sign petitions and discuss. At least I don't know what else I can do from here.
This incident gave me grave reminders of my school and college days, how worse things were in 2009 (just a span of 3 years since I left India). I have since given up doing an india trip, it is nauseating. And all new ideas that I can think of, ultimately boil down to law and police working at least a bit morally and correctly and other long term changes.. What are we supposed to do until then? I don't know. What happened to my plans of relocating to our own place when we have kids? I don't know.
At this point, I want only 2 things. One, recruit tons and tons of police and let them patrol all cities and suburbs through out the nights.. Whther they are good police or bad police, just seeing police will deter many criminals.
Second, the only law I really want to have is, "men out on the roads after 6 pm until 6 am should be accompanied by an immediate female family member". Else, they can be immediately taken into custody, will be under surveillance for a long time etc. Night shift employees can be taken care of by the company. (in fact, if companies can be sued for millions for their negligence, am sure they will automatically stop night shifts altogether..)
I don't care a damn if men start crying how this is atrocious on them, how women can misuse them etc. If a man is that scared of women misusing it on him, then he better completely avoid female interaction other than his family member. No one is inviting anyone to interact with any stranger.
But neither of these will happen in the immediate future. Everything right is a process, everything correct should be approached democratically, legally, humanely, blah blah. All illegal and wrong doings can happen lightning speed. That's India for us. I mean, there have been so many rape reports right after the Delhi incident. We (the govt.) just don't care. It's as simple as that.
If anyone says, "you don't live in India, you are an NRI, so don't talk about change sitting there" - I will slipper them. I have lived 21 years in that very garbage, with leering eyes day in day out, in spite of wearing a damn salwar with a dupatta what not.
I have every right to be angry. You have every right to be pissed off. Just talk to someone whenever you feel enraged, it's not wrong or bad to feel so. I am still wondering what I /we can do from here.