| Do you believe in Astrology? I am starting to believe in it. It said last year will be good for me and it was. So I thought I will believe it.
This year it says I will have a good year until June 2014, and then bad times starts after. Some sites say 7 1/2 sani starts for me. :--S Now I wish I had not read it, and did not know about it and more importantly did not believe in it.
Being a Christian we dont do jathakams. But then there is this nagging thought in my head that our forefathers were indeed smart and being mortals that we are, there must be some connection with the planets and and stars to us. I dont know.
But it is rather depressing to find that bad times are coming. It is like things are not under your control. Which is something I HATE. Not being in control.
Are some people born lucky? And some unlucky? Some smart? And some dumb? How is it decided? My MIL believes it is all karma from a previous birth. I so dont want to believe in that. What about the Nirbhaya in Delhi? You put that on Karma? The poor dying kids in South Africa, Karma? And what about the wealthy self obsessed atheist Americans? Good Karma?
Some things I envy some folks for -
good skin
good hair
good figure
good metabolism
good genes
good health
good brains
lucky
rich
happy
energetic
In some ways I am very very lucky compared to others I know. I am not compared to some others.
My question is if God or fate or karma cannot give something I want, why cant he leave me alone and not put the longing for those things in my head? Am I meant to be depressed? Am I meant to be sad? Am I meant to be a failure? Are my parents supposed to suffer?
Talking of parents, parenting is not easy. Having a soft cuddly bundle of joy is one thing. To see the baby grow up and struggle and in each step re evaluate your decisions is a whole another thing.
I wonder how BSK will be when she grows up. I was at the Kid to Work Day event and watched kids fighting to get picked to get on stage. I know for sure BSK will not do that. She is too shy and scared. I guess the apple doesnt fall from the tree. I was shy. I am scared. That is like my most fundamental being. I can mask it with traits I have acquired along the way but I was born with some thing.
Why is it so tough for me to accept it. To accept life as is and still be happy. Why am I made this way? Does everyone have their own battles?
Gosh is it just stupid hormones? If so I hate you hormones! Why do I have to be a girl? Why couldnt I have been born a boy? Carefree, free of hormones playing havoc in your mind. I know now I am really hopeless. I will stop.
Will I be embarrassed about this post later? Feels good to rant and show the stupid self once in a while.
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i want to be a man too ,at least for the simple minds that they have. I have a male friend who sometimes listens to me and goes "did you really think all of that yourself and just now too?".
Dont feel shameful to let it all out,it is healing, at least for me that is how it is.