Just ramblings, only a vent for emotions, feelings and all the good stuff
Invisible SK
Friday, February 13, 2015
When I heard this
topic from Megs, I hadnt seen the ad, and I thought it was a women minority
exclusion at work topic and immediately responded with "hah, but I have
never felt invisible at work, only in personal settings". When I saw the ad,
it resonated with me on so many levels, especially since my google search told
me Mindy 'Kaling' was actually Mindy Chockalingam, a true blue tamilian with
most likely Dravidian roots.
Yes yes yes! I have felt invisible! Not for being Indian,
but for being dark and not so pretty. Invisible Indian Woman? Is that true? If
Aishwarya Rai were to call a taxi will she be ignored? Or will Matt Damon refuse
a kiss from Aishwarya Rai one of the most beautiful women in the world? Indians
come in a variety of shades. Are all American
women visible? What about plain Jane, with dull hair, and pale skin, and erm no
curves?When you look at it this way..
Do you want to be visible? Looked at? Paid attention to? The message is probably more deep rooted than just Indians being invisible.
Middle school, I was
very visible in school. As a class monitor I stood in front of the class every
day and I held the power to write or erase names from the board. High school, I
was very invisible. It seemed like without the smarts I was nothing, surrounded
by fair skinned pretty tambrahms. College, I was the opposite of invisible.
People talked about me even when I was not there amidst them. Students who I didnt know talked about me and noticed me. (This is courtesy
of K.) It was then I realized there are more ways to be visible and noticed.
When someone looked
at me for the first time, or when strangers look at me, the treatment I got was
pretty much what Mindy got. Ignored. Invisible. More so if I had a fair skinned
pretty woman (Indian too) next to me.
This reminds me of a specific case in 2011 when I was working with a pretty
girl on something and somehow in all the meetings we had the others would
always look at her and talk, be it a man or a woman. I don’t blame them. I
suppose it is natural for people to look at faces that are nice to look at.
;--) Me included. It is after the few
meetings when that people really start noticing me and talking to me too,
because hey I had something to offer too. But then I am used to it. I will
patiently wait for them to realize who I am really and what I have to offer and
from then on there is no looking back.
30s has brought with
it a new confidence in me. Or is it more of accepting who I am for what I am
and realizing my capabilities and my limits? Confidence is attractive.
Confidence gets you noticed. Confidence makes you visible. Heck confidence
makes you care less if you are invisible to some. Confidence is my new makeup.
When I was on a recent business trip to Taiwan, I felt most at ease in various
situations. I was taking a flight alone
after a long time and was staying alone after a long time. I was anything but
invisible. Folks held doors for me, opened cars for me, wished me good morning
and good evening. Or it is very much possible that I didn’t notice if I was invisible to some. At work,
being in a field of few women I am anything but invisible. Because if I am
there, I am not to be ignored. Working
at a place where diversity is valued I am the opposite of invisible.
Sometimes I want to
be invisible. As an introvert, I prefer being invisible when not in the mood to
socialize or be in the limelight. I enjoy traversing the many nook and corners
of my own little head even in a crowded room full of people. Being visible is
exhausting sometimes! Put a fake smile on, always be presentable, those are
times when I wish I were invisible. As long as I decide whether I am visible or
not, I am fine with either.
To end, I don’t care if people don’t notice me or I
am invisible because of the color of my skin or because I am not pretty. Well
may be sometimes I do care, but I blame those moments on the hormones which I
don’t exactly have control over. I will not wear fluorescent green like Mindy
and scream 'Take notice of me!' I don’t have to jump in front and talk words
just because I don’t want to be invisible. After many years of being invisible
not just because I am Indian, because I have been invisible in India too,
ironically, I will let my actions and behaviors speak for themselves. And if I still remain invisible then so be it.
Here is the ad -
And here are Meghana's thoughts on the same topic - http://meghanajoshi.blogspot.com/2015/02/invisible-indian-woman.html
oh about being dark,arranged marriage is the worst thing to happen you know.You are so much de valued,sometimes money sought in compensation for the girl's dark complexion (VERY VERY COMMON,don't be surprised) and I have been shocked by direct references at how being fair is beautiful.I felt liberated after coming to the USA actually.
Sorry I cannot ignore the comment about feeling liberated after coming to US. Really? That is just ignorance or hypocrisy. US is not a country without prejudices to color. so stop the India-bashing. Just ask the blacks residing in this country before you comment.
I've felt invisible - many times. I still do. Especially at work. I always wish I worked in a profession with more women - those hoards of men really make me feel invisible many times.
I am glad you ended the post with a confidence. You ARE pretty - for those who see it. Others who don't - why bother?
And to the anonymous who commented about racism here - yes it's there. But only a dark skinned Indian female can understand how liberating it is out here. I totally support MK's comment!
Anon, MK is stating her experience, no way implying US has liberated her, it may be that US is more accommodating with foreigners than blacks. I guess we are judged more by our own country men?
Shachi, I see so many strong women around me, and supportive men too (not that we need their support)
I am a dark skinned female and have lived in India. So I can understand what you are saying. And now I live in USA. SO am very qualified to comment.
US is liberating - yeah Right !!!!.The land of Botox, fake implants, teaching girls to be like barbie dolls..yeah right. It is very liberating. If you have teenage girls you will understnad the pressures of being a girl here. So please hate India if you want to but do not advertize your ignorance about US.
oh hello anonymous.i am sorry about your poor experience in the USA and probably you had only great experiences in India.So good for you and I am really surprised at your own ignorance (or perhaps denial or you like to believe that Indians living abroad just like to bash India,that is very foolish and typical) about the widely prevalent religion/caste/color/linguistic/sex discrimination that happens in India almost everyday and is a socially accepted norm in most cases.I am not saying the USA is better,people do get shot if they are colored,but the world is no heaven,there is evil everywhere.I am just quoting here my own personal experience and you anonymous commentator,you seem intolerant to even someone's views.I am surprised you are calling out for equality and tolerance,you being a passionate Indian and all that.
Well MK appreciate your response. But you are attributing things that I never mentioned or implied.
) You say that I am in denial. WRONG. My comment was limited to challenging you about US being more embracing to women and people of color compared to India. Where do you get the Denial part?
2) Discrimination is prevalent in India. And It does not happen in USA? How many women presidents have we had in over 200 years of independence? How many non christian presidents have we had in 200 years of independence? When did women in USA get voting rights? Google Ferguson & Travyon Martin or soledad o'Brien's articles if you think it is not happening now. Contrast that with India which is still a young country i.e. 70 years of independence.
3) And disagreeing with your opinion is not intolerance. Sorry if you did not learn that lesson being in US.
You do not have to suck up with the locals and ridicule your birth country to integrate here. You can actually add to the dialogue of the problems that we have here and how we improve it.
If you plan to respond please respond with facts so we can have a dialogue.
Have been thinking of post along these lines for a day now :)
Coincidence!