| Last year this lifted my spirits. http://ramblingsonly.blogspot.com/2014/07/geeky.html?m=0#comments
This year somehow not so much. It does confirm the fact that I lose interest in anything not brand new very quickly. This time I was asked to make sure I met the important women from important companies. I don't know why it felt very superficial. (I am screwed guys. Really. )
I couldn't help feeling there are more pressing problems in the world than fashion and athletics and making the life of the well to do even more comfortable.
Regarding more women in STEM, now that I have a daughter, I want her to pursue what her passion is, and what her 'element' is. Frankly, not everyone is possibly meant to be an engineer or to be in stem field for that matter. Diversity and equality is more about letting women who have an aptitude and interest in stem to flourish in stem fields, not to bring every woman into stem. Small difference.
I am done awe ing at the VPs and GMs and hearing their stories. I don't know how some can keep at it for so long, same enthu on the same things, kudoes to them. I see hierarchy cropping up, like VIPs and stuff which also I am not liking. I am in the right team Outreach, which is geared towards community, anything else I wouldn't have liked it.
When someone brings their spouse to a lottery event of high demand just to show off the event when that spot could have been given to someone who could have benefited from the event, I can't help but lose faith in the system. To me this is corruption at a micro level. ( I have to remove this out of printed world soon, but for now I have to vent. )
( I am sure some of you must be going 'wow finally this woman gets it ;--P, yes I am slow! )
I am surprised that I feel this way. Documenting it.
I don't have to change who I am to be successful. Or be a certain way. Which is what I am afraid these events tell you to do. Or that is what I got out of it. May be I didn't get it right. Success is not reaching a certain goal you have set, or others have set for you. I used to wonder how mid career folks live with themselves without having reached 'a certain point' in their careers. Now I understand. Learning everyday.
I actually didn't want to publish this post because it feels very negative. It helped me a lot, it gave me the breakthrough, I am thankful. But it is time to move on.
Too many realizations, another big step in life I guess as I get to the other side of 35. I have a career development plan to discuss tomorrow and frankly I have no idea what to put in it! I want to scratch out everything I had before and start anew. I am screwed I say.
New boss probes me tries to understand my priorities. It is as if I am too afraid to find and accept the truth. He says I have speed. But no velocity. He wants to get me to speed in the right direction. True. I have the drive, but I don't want to drive in the wrong direction that that does not fulfill me!
I want to go to Africa. Like super badly. I want to take time off and travel. Humdrum of life bugs me. DH and I were seriously talking about moving to Europe for a couple of years. Everything has to line up timing wise. He has options in fancy cities like Paris and Milan and Madrid. My options will be mostly in Germany. Or Ireland, Poland may be.
Why am I so restless? I cannot blame my sabbatical anymore. It has been two plus months. Inertia, drag, slow to change. I have what I dreamed of five years ago. But now I want something different.
I tell you I am screwed. Royally.
What do I not know now that I will come to realize 5 years down the lane ;--P
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