| I cannot help but laugh at myself. The year that started out so nondescriptly hinting at a very uneventful year has turned out to be another memorable year for all the wrong reasons.
25th April 2015, the massive earthquake shook Nepal and we narrowly escaped the disaster.
25th April 2016 started off with a pounding heart the moment I woke up, a physical sign my body shows when stressed. I heard of a colleague who came with me to Kenya, walked out of his office. It was gloomy at work. Meetings went on full swing but nobody wanted to discuss the elephant in the room. Everyone was probably looking out for themselves. Those who got recently promoted were fine. Those who were 'stagnant' for a few years were not.
22nd April was our 11 year wedding anniversary, which went by as uneventful as our 10 year one was eventful. DH got me an iPad, I haven't taken it out of its cover.
When we heard of the news the first time, last Tuesday, we were sitting in a small room cozied up. It took some time to sink in. Some jokes were made to lighten up the situation but deep in the heart fear arose.
I have become extremely busy at work. I guess I am all ramped up. I took one extra task to fill in some empty spots in my calendar and now it is overflowing abundantly. I love my job. I love what I do. It is exhilarating to make decisions, to learn, to convince, to think ahead, to strategize.
It was Friday evening when it really sunk in. Resume was polished on Saturday. Searched for jobs and applied on Sunday. Now the wait begins. The fact of the matter is I am not ready. Which is why I am so nervous! I am 7 months into a new role and I am still mastering it. Who will give me another job? I have been here for 11 years, I suddenly feel so ancient and obsolete, like my skills are of no use anywhere.
I heard of another colleague who got screwed by my previous boss and walked out of the company. It made me realize it could have been me too, had I moved to my new team a little later like him, giving the boss full reins over my performance review. These are folks with wives at home and kids in school. God help them.
It took a conversation with a female VP today, to help me look at things as they were. There are things that matter more. Somethings are not in our hands. Classic case of something not in our control and hence no point worrying. There are people to whom I really matter, my family. Everything else is gravy. Everything else can be workable. So to the already daunting list of things like work travel, vacation travel, home selling, home hunting, and birthday party planning, add job searching and interviewing. I don't mind job search, but would like to do it on my own terms definitely not out of fear!
Thanks my very mellow 2016!
PS: hey if you have a job for me feel free to email me ;--) saranya.kish@gmail.com
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