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| Dear Diary |
| Saturday, January 15, 2011 |
I have never thought twice what I was going to write in my blog. Because this blog is my space, for my thoughts, my own personal diary. But then, it is also public, as in anyone can see it, which has stopped me from writing some really exciting/nerve wrecking moments in the fast few months.
If this blog were my personal diary, Sept 9th 2010 would have seen a post -
Dear Diary, I took this pregnancy test in the morning and it said in a crystal clear word, Pregnant! I showed it to DH first, and he struggled to see while half awake and whispered to me, "Pregnant-a?!" I said," Thats what it says!" It was different going to work, driving attending meetings while knowing there is a tiny being being formed inside of me. I read about pregnancy online. Oh my! I never realized it was such a big deal! I am so excited, I wish I could shout out to the world this little miracle that has happened. But I am also scared of all the things that can go wrong. Phew! I just have to wait. But I sooo cannot wait, I am such a motor mouth, I have to tell parents atleast, and my close circle of friends. I will wait for the doctor to confirm.
Sept 11th 2010 -
Dear Diary, The nurse was all smiles today when I went for my preconception appt and told her I have a positive home test. I didnt even get to see the doctor, she just ordered me a couple of blood tests to check the HcG levels. I hope the baby is fine and really growing. What if the baby doesnt take off? What if any of the million things that can go wrong, goes wrong? Oh God!
If I had written everyday between Sept and Nov, this would have been the gist.
- When will I finish my first trimester?
- Oh God, I never knew pregnancy would be so tough, so early
- I am so sleepy, I am so tired, I am not able to workout.
- Did I really sleep for 12 hrs? Why the hell am I still sleepy?
- Oh God! I am not able to cook, nor am I able to eat DH's cooking. My life is miserable. Wish my mom were here.
- I threw up grapes and oranges! Why the hell am I throwing up perfectly healthy food?
- I threw up after lunch at Komala Vilas, threw up after lunch at Saravana Bhavan, threw up after lunch at Muniyandi Vilas. When can I really enjoy food?
- I ran 15-20 mi a week before getting pregnant, now I cannot even walk 2mi without huffing and puffing.
- Why am I breathless taking the stairs to the bedroom? I feel like I am having a heart attack!
- Why did I play Badminton even if for a few minutes, even exerting the least? Is the baby safe? Why is my stomach hurting?
- Is the baby still alive? Really I am a terrible mother already.
- Why are people looking so weirdly at my packed sandwich? Peanut butter sandwich is perfectly fine. For that matter bread and jam.
- Going to the mall? Going to the Banquet? Going to the Badminton Tournament? Going to the Fashion Show? Going to the movies? Pack food and water and keep it close.
- When will the nausea stop? First trimester is almost over.
- How the hell will I work and focus on other stuff with pregnancy taking such a toll on me and my body?
My excitement at initial finding gave way to paranoia, fear, sometimes depression at my inability to do things on my own and depending so much on DH.
Second trimester has been fine. No nausea, eating like crazy. Feeling baby kicks for the first time! And making DH feel it too. Getting bigger and bigger. Maternity clothes. Weak legs, weak abdomen, lost muscles, lost strength.
Recent happenings -
Happiness at seeing the little wiggling baby at the 20week ultrasound. Elation knowing its a little pink bundle!
Fear from the phone call asking me to do a level2 ultrasound due to some concern.
Chiding myself for taking the baby for granted. Crying and crying. Vowing to do the best taking care of the baby, if only the baby was fine. Feeling better at Doctor's reassurance.
One more opportunity to look at the super active baby, more detailed. Little brain, nose, mouth, hands, legs, pumping heart with four chambers, blood flow, stomach, kidneys, feet. Beautiful! Everything turned out to be fine, Huge relief.
I have this insane urge to learn everything about pregnancy, what exactly is happening, what can go wrong, what is good, what is not good. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. The less you know the less you will worry.
The journey so far -
Enjoying the pampering, ordering DH around, eating more than anything
Not enjoying the toll on the body, sleepless nights, uncomfortable aches and pains, breathlessness, tiredness.
I have never given second thought to pregnant women other than saying please take care of yourselves and eat well. It has taken such a toll on the body!
Its a miracle, the whole process. Its beautiful how the baby grows inside sapping all the energy out of the host(mother). It really a miracle.
Still half way to go. Hopefully everything will turn out all right. |
posted by SK @ 8:36 AM  |
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| 25 Comments: |
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Congratulations, SK! :) One would never have known. Hope you have an eventless pregnancy.
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Many congratulations SK! I have been sad before when a blogger wouldnt hint anything about their wedding or pregnancy and then suddenly posts on those would come up like a year or so later! (although I can totally see myself doing that.. I still used to feel sad! :D) That way glad to know the good news! All the best!
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WOW! Congratulations to you and DH. Bestest news I have heard today. Feeling excited and happy for ya!
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Congratssss SK.
Awesome news.
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Congratulations again!!!! Yaay, it's a girl :-D!
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congrats sandy and wishes to give a birth for a healthy baby in either sex as u wish! u have to take care a lot unlike u had a chopper trip! Try to eat all kind of healthy food as it goes to your baby. coz. wateva... u eat now, the baby likes same kinda food ever...all the best...
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Congratulations and best! have been following your blog for sometime now.
http://zigma-an.livejournal.com/
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Hearty congratulations to you and your hubby :).
My only advice, as a mother that has been there, is don't look at internet for answers too much. Usually the variety of answers will have you swinging like a pendulum and believe me its not a good feeling ;-). Refer a good book (I like "What to expect when you are expecting") or your doctor/medical line instead :).
Take lots of care and enjoy the sleep while you can (I know many people will advice you that, but sleep is hard to come by later).
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Congrats SK!! awesome news!! Wish you a happy pregnancy. All the very best to poor DH. Lots of times it's hard to just watch your wife go through all this and not being able to do anything about it. Like my wife says, it's worth all the trouble and I agree, watching my little girl sleeping right now. It was september '09 when it all started for us. Your post brought back memories. Take lots of pictures. Even though you won't feel like doing that now, you'd love to seem them after it's all over.
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kadar, have you stopped reading my story already?! :(
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Hearty Congrats SK. Pass on my wishes to your better half as well..
Take care,
Hope all goes well..
Love,
Raji
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yay :) congrats zeeniebeenie :) and that rhymes with teenieweenie :) yaay its a girl!
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Thank you everyone for the good wishes and the advice. :--)) Will need all of it!
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yeayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!! I am so happy for you!! good luck and all that..!
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Congrats! Now I know why you had a craving for upma all of a sudden. Who craves for upma other than a pregnant woman! Anytime you want upma, send me a note.. will send you a parcel! Congrats again!
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Yaada yaada,
Hahahah! Thank you, will remember the offer!
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Oh wow! Congratulations SK! I stopped by your blog and such a pleasant post that was. All the best - pregnancy and babies are wonderful!
*Virtual hug*
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Hi SK,
A big congrats to you and DH.
A very long time reader, but first time commenter...and if not know, then when else to comment.
Wishing you all the very best in everything to come
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Thanks Sparkie, didnt know you still have time for blogs. ;--)
Saumya, Thankoo
Swapna,
Thank you, good time to delurk indeed. :--)
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Congratulations, SK! :) One would never have known. Hope you have an eventless pregnancy.