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| Thursday, September 15, 2011 |
Psst, let me say yesterday was not one of the normal days.
Late evening meeting screwed up everyones schedule. My gym, DH's run, even BSK's bath. I wonder how people can function in such a tight schedule. I guess now that we are THE Parents, a=A Family, should I add middle aged couple?, we have to live such lives.
I was so tired that I plonked on the bed at 9PM with BSK when I was supposed to be reading her a book and giving her a massage. DH came after his sterlizing routine and I immediately transferred the feeding to him to close my eyes a bit, head hurting and heavy from the long day that it was. I asked him to wake me up in 10 mins so we could give BSK a bath. But apparently he felt sorry to see me sleep and didnt wake me up. It messed up our well working schedule. I woke up at 2. BSK woke up at 3, hungry. I had felt very refreshed, that 1hr extra sleep had done wonders, I fed, burped and sang her to sleep. Actually I tried to put her to sleep but she was just as refreshed as me and just wouldnt sleep. So I just put her down and turned the lights off, keeping a ear for her mumbles and grunts. A few minutes later, silence. Suspecting, I reached out to see her merrily sucking her hands to glory. I pulled her hand out and patted her and hummed 'twinkle twinkle little star' ( I know, so lame, but it puts BSK to sleep promptly!) As she settled down not quite asleep I retired. For a few minutes I heard the slurping, sucking sound again, didnt bother, and let her go to sleep. Sometimes babies need to learn to put themselves to sleep. That took 2hrs of precious night sleep.
I obviously woke up with a headache late. DH had a shower first , as I thought I will go to work late since I had a long previous day. Then I remembered that I had an 8:30. Darn! Skipping breakfast ensured I was at work on time for the meeting. I was a zombie at work today, which only leads to a vicious cycle of catching up and making up.
So yes, I cannot afford to be a bit tired or lazy, will only end up paying for it. I know, I know things are going to get worse. In all the craziness yesterday DH forgot to close the garage door. It was gaping open ALL NIGHT until I left for work when I saw it. I first looked for the stroller which was safe. But of course DH was the one who noted more expensive items there were the washing machine and dryer. Blame me for the baby brain :--P.
Sometimes makes me wonder why the hell do people have children and put themselves into such torturous situations.
I guess that is the essence of life. That is living life. I wonder why can I not continue to be the carefree girl I was and not grow up to have responsibilities. But then I cannot behave like a 5 year old when I am 40. When a 5 year old does things it is cute. If the same is done by a 40 yr old, its immaturity. So when I am 30 I and have a baby I have to behave like a 30yr old with a baby. [ Ok, I am 31 not 30, stop with the knit picking now ]
I cannot be sprawled on the couch watching reruns of Friends or Seinfeld or whatever TBS comedy is your favorite. I cannot bring work home unless its really really really really needed. I cannot buy things on a whim, splurge on things just because. I cannot make impromptu plans to do anything. I cannot even afford to sleep an hour early just because. I cannot spend Friday and saturday nights watching movies. Duh, DH and I cannot even go to the gym together. I like doing things together as a couple, instead of each one doing his/her own stuff. Now, that is really impossible without coming out as irresponsible parents.
I was thinking about it on the way to work. Driving minutes are my zen moments. I remembered this speech I heard yesterday on Stress Management. Yesterday is History, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift so enjoy the present. Since I started working, before I moved to Bay Area, I had a laid back life. I always lived very close to work, so no time was spent in commute. But then, in order to feel busy and hence important [dont know what kind of logic I applied] I wanted to drive long distance to work, weave through heavy traffic, curse fellow drivers, be tired from all the commute. Now exactly that's what I am doing. and I dont really feel important, busy may be. So the warm fuzzy feeling was because I realized I am living the life just the way I wanted to. Busy and crazy, albeit a bit depressing sometimes. I wanted this life, this baby. We had dreamed of it when we thought of life few years down the lane. The images I had in my mind consisted of, all of us biking together, swimming together, hiking together, gardening together, teaching her math, science, picking up dropping off from day care, her first steps, her smiles, her pony tail, her laughter, funky poses, her pink painted room, her toys, her kisses, her tiny little shoes, mittens, her tiny beautiful dresses, her first tooth, her first steps, her 'I love you's, her flying kisses, travel to India, her accented English....phew! and much more. What I didn't account for were the endless diaper changes, cries to be held, refusal to feed, messy feedings, balancing work, sacrifices... and so much more to come.
I know if I look back after many years, when DH and I are 65 and retired, I am sure I will think fondly of these crazy days and be proud of how we managed. Be proud of the fact that we pulled through crazy times and managed raise a kid while pursuing our passions, as much as possible. That is what life is about.
..or so I will convince myself and trick my mind to believe. How else will I survive this craziness called parenthood? :--P
I am sure the few readers are eager to get updates about BSK.. as eager as I am to record them here :--P Our little lady has rolled over! And she bends herself in an arch which gives me a backache just watching her. Now she gives beautiful smiles and laughs, when we play with her, tickle her, or show her own reflection in the mirror. She squeals into laughter which is just too adorable for words. And she loves to suck her hands. She growls often, when she is hungry, when she is sleepy, happy, when she wants to suck her hands, and she loves it when I call her with a growl. Makes me wonder if I am raising a cub. BSK has also graduated to 6 month clothes, as she is days away from turning 4 months old. Which means more shopping! The other day I went walking with BSK on Moby with her wearing a hooded jacket looking sooo adorable. She kept looking left and right taking the sights in, a picture I dreamed of when pregnant. Edited to add - May be.. just may be all the craziness is worth it?! |
posted by SK @ 5:45 PM  |
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| 7 Comments: |
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I hear you
I identify with you
I feel you
Doing it with two now - I sometimes wonder what made me think I could handle it all, and then I do. Because you have no choice but to handle it all!
But I also know that we only remember the cute smiles, the hugs, the bike rides and the stories when we look back. Our minds are awesome that way. It makes us forget the tedium and only retains the beautiful moments - a built-in editor.
BSK is one lucky ducky and she knows it :)
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awww.. nice post as always! :) And great september goals too! Let's see how well it goes (hey, i too have goals hee hee..)
(btw, am still regular reader just that i dont sign into blogger to comment :-|)
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One day BSK will grow up, and become a lovely girl, a little you, and you will smile and say "Oh, what would I have done without you" :-) It's hard juggling job and babies, especially with the first one it's always a learning experience. But hang in there. It's a beautiful experience too, with it's own rewards, a little smile, a tight hug, and a thank you mommie will make your day..
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Of course, all this craziness IS worth it. :)
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Achhoo yesskay...
I am so happy for you. The fact that you are complaining and continuing means yiu know it is worth it
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Saumya! Two seems totally impossible! But I am sure when one gets there one sucks it up and does it! Good luck to you!
Built-in editor - I like it. :--)
Porkodi lady, where are your goals? Havent written anything in a while?
Megs, definitely! :--)))
Suresh, Will see :--)
Pepper, ;--)
Mr KDK, where have you disappeared? You are right, people have been doing it for years ;--)
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I hear you
I identify with you
I feel you
Doing it with two now - I sometimes wonder what made me think I could handle it all, and then I do. Because you have no choice but to handle it all!
But I also know that we only remember the cute smiles, the hugs, the bike rides and the stories when we look back. Our minds are awesome that way. It makes us forget the tedium and only retains the beautiful moments - a built-in editor.
BSK is one lucky ducky and she knows it :)