| Happy about
- weekend - planning to sleep at 9! - got folks to delegate my work to - solid progress with training material - saravana Bhavan - lazy Friday evening - dotter well adjusted to new school - dream about Africa!
Met our small team of six. Over time I will be writing more about the assignment. I didn't write much about my sabbatical because I was scared of jinxing it. But this one, I am fine with whatever happens. I immediately got the data. Three women and three Indians. There is one from Bangalore too and that kid is flying for the first time!! I am going to train teachers and students on computers. I felt that was the way to get closest to the real people. We think we know so much and we want to share everything with others but I am pretty sure I am going to learn a lot from them too. All are travel enthusiasts, but really nowadays it is not a big deal. The Bangalore kid has some solid volunteering experience. When I worked on my bio, I wanted to share so much. Many adrenaline pumping experiences from kissing sting rays and holding snakes to trekking Himalayas and running a half marathon. Lot of volunteering at work and outside of work. I guess I am an interesting personality now ;--P (hah I wish)
I was browsing and I realized what is my biggest fear on the trip. The HEAT!! I thought I will be able to handle it well from Nepal experience but Nepal was cold and not hot! Oops.
Wrote this last night, why should I capture only stressful times?!
Solar panels are installed, and we are generating electricity right on our roof. Super exciting! Covers for Mia and some more.
Harvested close to 30 tomatoes today from a plant that grew off from some seed from last year because we didn't get a chance to plant any vegetable this summer. Also exciting.
Last but not the least JSK pedaled her bicycle! She is generally slow with her physical milestones. She didn't have the strength to pedal a couple of months ago and today she just did it out of the blue. Also exciting.
I don't know how JSK will be when she grows up it scares me. Feisty, stubborn, headstrong, quick to anger, she is with serious power issues. I think tough times are ahead. I am not the epitome of patience and I will be kidding myself if I say I am a very good mom. It is scary. Will I teach her the wrong things? Am I a bad parent? I just don't have it in me. I don't know if this is the pessimist in me talking or the real me with real problems. Pah too much.
Some folks had come home today and JSK was craving for attention from the parent that was talking to the guests. I knew if I didn't listen to her she would shout the house down and make a scene. Yes she cannot understand the fact that when others come home we will have to listen to them and will not be able to listen to her. So I stopped talking to the guest whenever JSK wanted to show me something or ask me something. I will say it I can't stop thinking if she is a weirdo, just like me, just like me. Not saying it won't change it. And god she is going to get hurt in the outside world. And that hurts me a LOT. But then I cannot stop others from hurting her I can only help her not get hurt, I don't know how to do it, because let's face it I still get hurt, and it look me 30 years to learn to handle it.
Somebody said she has ego in her heart at such a young age. It hurt me. She is super stubborn. I am torn between disciplining her by being strict and letting her be herself. What is the right thing to do? I am not proud of her character or behavior right now. Please don't pounce on me here, just penning my thoughts, I would never say this out aloud in real life.
Gosh happy post turned into a not so happy one. |
